god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
