They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
