your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
