I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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