I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
