I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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