just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
