Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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