apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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