the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
