babies were throwing up all over the place
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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