she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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