I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
