but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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