I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
MIDGETS
????
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
