sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
