i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
