I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
