it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
