if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
