I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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