i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
