Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had to cum in my sink.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize