I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
