Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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