the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
