You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
