You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We need a shit load of segways right now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
