sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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