i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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