You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
