i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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