Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
