wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
third nipple confirmed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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