I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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