battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
