Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
