so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
