but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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