She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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