How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
