Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
