I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
