note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
