I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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