if only i could text you this smell
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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