Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
