Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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