I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
