If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
