I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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