hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
