Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
