He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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