Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
