dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
