Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
