Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
