hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
