i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
