Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.

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(207): View more from Maine

Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

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(519): View more from Ontario

I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.

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(678): View more from Georgia

thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?

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(408): View more from California

Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.

(831): View more from California

You did a keg stand on the toilet?!

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(806): View more from Texas

It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

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(303): View more from Colorado

They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.

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(925): View more from California

The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.

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