I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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