They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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