Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
