Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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