Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize