In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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