Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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