Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
