we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
