Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
