Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
