Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
